All that aside, man- it can be hard!
Izzy was really hard the first few months, but I handled it pretty well (if I do say so myself). She could have been a lot worse, and since I knew how fast it was going to fly by - and has it!- I wasn't stressing it. Jessica did pretty well with getting used to our new addition and was actually pretty easy (which was a first) so that helped a lot.
Then everything changed
Izzy is finally so much easier its ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. She's like a whole new baby. Lets almost anyone hold her, only gets up once at night, barely spits up anymore, and never really cries for no reason. Total 180.
But now Jessica has realized that her sister is here to stay and she now has to share the spotlight. She is still the center of our worlds, she's just not the only one. That, coupled with no longer taking naps (I've tried it all people! Honestly, this nap thing has really been going on since Christmas. So I guess I"m not that surprised), and her Dad going back to work. Its just hit the wall.
Last night was the tantrum of all tantrums. Over nothing. NOTHING. But I guess thats what tantrums really are, isn't it? She flipped out on me in the bathtub and went all Excorcist on me. She did the scream/yell she's only done one other time (when we put the gate up on her bedroom door so that she could no longer get out of bed 50 million times a night. She did it, drama for 15 minutes, then went to bed. And now stays in her bed everynight. Totally worth it). I swear her eyes roll back into her head and its like she's possessed. I was trying to not laugh at how ridiculous it was and trying to not cry at the same time. Finally got her calmed down, it was probably less than an hour, but I don't want that to happen. Ever. Again.
Sooooo I called up a behavioralist that I've worked with before. She's awesome. Amazing. I love her :) She works for the YMCA for this program thats free to anyone with children in any sort of child care situation ages 0 - 5. Yeah, I ain't to proud to ask for help!
She gave me some good tips, and pointed out some things that I didn't really think of. One of them is the time outs. Those really just don't work for her, and give her more attention, so basically reinforcing the bad behavior. So we're stopping that and just ignoring her behavior.
I'm also setting aside 10 minutes during the working day, when all the other kids are around, for "Mommy Jessica time." I did it today right after I put Izzy down for a nap and it was free play outside. We read a book and cuddled and sang some songs. It was nice :)
So anywho, I'm kinda rambling about all this. My point is that its hard being a parent. Little kids are just little people, and who really understands people? And I've said it a bazillion times, even though I take care of kids for a living, study and learn about in school, and have been doing it for a really long time- its so much harder when its your own!
I managed to make it to my yoga class after the tantrum. I was a few minutes late. But I'm so glad I went. A great de-stressor. And in the class the teacher told us to repeat this "mantra" in our heads
"I'm just doing the best that I can"
I'm doing the best that I can.